I wrote this blog, then re read it & realized that there is no proper grammar, there is no set timeline, no interview, no plot to the story, it’s just random thoughts & views, a few side stories here & there but mainly me just simply taking a few minute to reflect on 2017. I hope you all enjoy.

As we start a new year, I look back on 2017. It brought me new friendships, relationships, hellos, & goodbyes. & while I was experiencing it I thought it was my best year yet. And well I take time to reflect on it, of course people have the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, & the smiles with the heart breaks. I learned that everything doesn’t turn out as planned or as how you thought it was going to. You don’t know people as well as you think you do. Including yourself. And sometimes no matter what you do for someone or any situation, it’s not good enough. And some things will have to be left broken. Does it hurt? Of course, but it’s something we all go through. I have never really been an emotional person but this past year taught me it’s okay to be. It’s okay to let people in, to care more for someone than you do yourself. But you have to remember to take care of yourself as well, because as much as you want said person/people to always be there with you, they may end up leaving. Unfortunately we can’t tell what is going to happen in the future, who will be there, who won’t, & who will come back. I often find myself stuck between “if it’s meant to be it will be” & “if something didn’t work out it never will”. This is where my ability to over think every little possible thing kicks in. Like I’m not kidding I over think situations that’s aren’t even real & that could never be real. (What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.) And destroys almost every thought I have. Some people, like myself, almost always have to have a plan, it’s extremely hard for me to live in the moment & enjoy what’s in front of me because I am trying to look ahead & be ready. Which in reality everything always changes & a lot of times things don’t go as planned. I suffer from anxiety, I developed it some time in high school, it affects me on a day to day basis, everything I do & even my health. For some people admitting they have anxiety is extremely tough, it makes them feel weak. For me I just try & hide it.. Anxiety has become a part of me & I can be so rotten to deal with from time to time because of it. The people that knew how to put up with me and be there for me are the real MVP’s. I have no control over it at all. The smallest of situations can trigger it, school & racing horses, for the love of god if the wrong pillow cases are on the wrong pillows it upsets me. When I change my routine on how I do something it bothers me. It also really bugs me when people say “don’t worry about it, don’t think about it, you’ll be fine” UM HELLO, all I do I worry, all I do is think. I hope for the best, even though it feels like more often than not I’m just let down, but yet I still try & prepare for the worst. Alright enough dwelling, lets get to the fun part!

I am extremely grateful for the opportunities I had this year, being able to follow my dreams & work on my career goals. Throughout the year I have been going to school working towards my 3 degrees. I felt & still feel like I am never going to graduate, but I just have to keep reminding myself it will all be worth it in the long run, keep going, keep pushing, don’t give up. School can be very stressful on its own, let alone while working. This summer I had moved to Indiana to work full time (with the horses) for people I’ve known my whole life. As always my work friends became family. One of my favorite things to do while traveling is meeting new people, & leaving with new friends. Peter & Melanie Wrenn (the people I worked for) were great to me all summer, they allowed me to not only be able to take time off & go home to see me family. But also gave me time off to travel to Grand Circuit races & there I was able to interact with the top & best in the business. Huge thank you & shout out to Mike Bozich & Mike Carter from Post Time with Mike and Mike for making this happen & allowing me to join them during their live remotes. They have really helped me grow, not only as a person but my skills in the broadcasting aspect of my future career goals & I couldn’t thank them enough! They are always there when I have a question, hear me out on my comments, and always give me new opportunities.  It started in May at the Molson Pace at Western Fair Raceway, London Ontario, & from there I made my round about way, in July I attended the Meadowlands Pace. In August I was very fortunate enough to go to the Hambletonian. Let me just tell you how amazing that was. The crowd was unbelievable, the atmosphere was amazing, & the racing was incredible! Even got to take a quick pic & chat with thee John Campbell! So cool! From there, there was the Dan Patch & Hoosier Park Pacing Derby. Also I was able to take pictures during Jug week. I’m no photographer, but it’s always exciting capturing moments not only of the people and their reaction/excitement but of the amazing athletes we work with. My year ended with Breeders Crown week at Hoosier Park. & being so close to home I was able to spend the whole week before down there, to talk to the connections of many horses & again snap some pictures. I did a few side articles for my blog, & I can’t thank the horsemen I worked with enough for letting me sit & chat with them. You guys help my dreams come true. I was also given the opportunity to write my first ever USTA article, which was so exciting to me! I was also able to talk with all of the connections of one of my all time favs, All Bets Off. As classy as they come, not just the horse but the connections of him also! So thankful they were able to take time out of their busy day to talk with me about All Bets Off! After a busy week of being able to interact with the best of the best, the weekend of racing approached. This was the 2nd Breeders Crown I was attending, & I was just so excited. As always I was nervous just like I get before every live remote, but the Breeders Crown Racing is just so exciting to watch. It’s the best of the best and from a horsemens perspective I kind of understand the feelings other horsemen have going into the night, you work you ass off all day everyday, all year round to prep your horse for any race let alone the Breeders Crown, it’s a huge accomplishment. & the reward of seeing your horse participate I’m sure is second to none. People outside of the business don’t understand how much work, dedication, blood, sweat, & tears, we put into our horses day in & day out. Whether it’s a 4 claimer or a Breeders Crown contender they all get taken care of a loved like a pet. My job at the Breeders Crown was winner circle reaction from the winning connections & I love seeing people happy & smiling so I was really excited to be in the winners circle. It’s a busy place to be but the horsemen are so good about being able to get a word in with them afterwards because it helps promote the business! One thing I do have to say about being on live remotes after the race is that for one you have to be ready & already know what to say and you only have a few short minutes to prepare if you want the interview unique. You really have to pay attention to the race, sure there are your common questions you can ask, but you want to make each interview different & special. I also learned you have to word your questions exactly how you think them and how you want them answered, because they can come out the wrong way & well that could end badly. I experienced that at the Breeders Crown, & let me tell you. Not cool. But hey, we all live & learn. Although I was like wanting to never interview again, I did. I kept going & now I can look past it & I can use it as a learning experience. The Breeders Crown ended my 2017 live remote season & I can’t even put into words how much fun I had, how thankful I am, & how grateful I feel to have been given the opportunities I had. It was truly amazing. I was able to live the best of both worlds. The horsemen aspect of it, working with the horses. And the broadcasting part of it being able to promote the business, the people & the athletes.

The end of the year approached quickly, but it wasn’t the best way to end the year, for me anyways. I struggled with a situation (that I’d rather not talk too much about) that completely tore my to pieces, heck I’m still struggling with the same situation. I know one day I’ll be okay but for now I take it day by day. & it almost feels like I’ll never go back to myself. Although I’m sure I will, it just doesn’t feel that way right now. – to add to my year ending, in 2015 I bought a horse. She gave me a run for my money, to say the least, but she just wasn’t going to quite make it & I had to say goodbye to the last 2 years of my life, the work I put into her.. it’s like it was all for nothing. I know it is a part of the business, I’ve owned & sold horses before but it just felt as if it was a huge failure (especially with other things going on, it just added to it). Saying goodbye was one of the hardest goodbyes I had to face. Holiday season is suppose to be happy & cheerful.. but for me up until I was able to spend time with my whole family, I was extremely down on myself. I’m not going to sugar coat it & I’m not afraid to admit it. I know I’m only 20 years old, but I hit a low spot in my life, isolated myself, I didn’t want to have to deal with people asking me how I was, it’s just a general gesture yet, I lied every time I said “I’m good, how are you?” I wanted nothing to do with anything, I didn’t want to leave my bed, let alone the house. I let so many sad & negative emotions take over my body, I was confused, lost, it almost felt like I was broken. I was so weak & unhealthy. I let it get too bad. I have to get back to myself, become healthy again, focus on what’s in front of me, and set goals. But most importantly find my happiness again. Find the reasons in life that make you smile. Hold on to the memories that are in the past, but try not to dwell on the “what if” situations. I have to start looking` at the bigger picture. A lot of this is way easier said than done. Some days are better than others. But I do have some pretty amazing people in my life that check on me & for that I am forever grateful.

2018 is here. & honestly I am not a strong believer in “new year new me” & a lot of people use it as an excuse to start over. Good for them. But it’s not quite for me. I will say I do need to get my focus back & focus on things that are going to matter later down the road. The bigger picture. Do I have a plan for 2018? Uh not exactly. & yes it does give me a little anxiety. But my main goal is to try & live in the moment for 2018. To keep setting goals but never to over look what is right in front of me. I will continue to go to school (insert eye rolling emoji here) & work towards the degrees I am pursuing. I do know I will be joining Post Time With Mike and Mike on their live remotes again, which is always exciting! I turn 21 in February & I am taking a trip to Vegas so I am really looking forward to that. I really want to see how many things I can cross off of my “20 things I want to accomplish in my 20’s”. So we shall see where this year takes me.

To the people that have helped me get where I am at & continue to help me better myself, thank you. To my support system that puts up with me on a daily basis, thank you. To my friends & family that helped make 2017 a unique year, thank you. To the ones who stood by my side, thank you. To all the people I met & became a new friend, thank you for coming into my life.

Happy New Year to all!

I wish nothing but the best for every single one of you.

Take care & god bless

Love always
– jess

2 thoughts on “2017..

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